Journey with baby # 4

I am almost 15 weeks (on monday I will be) and so far the journey has been up and down. For the first several weeks after finding out I had a hard time with allowing myself to connect with baby because I have a pattern of having miscarriages after my other babies and I was so scared that I was going to keep up that pattern since this was the first time I had gotten pg after Reuben. I want this baby but I was letting my fears get the better of me. I was a lot sicker during the first trimester then I was with any of the others but sad to say that still didn't help. Another thing that didn't help was at my first 2 appointments my doctor really couldn't see much they were at 5 and 8 weeks. Finally at almost 11weeks we got to see the little heart beat. at my last appt I got to see a very active baby. on the way home from my last appt I cried chewed myself out and most of all thanked God. I know that I should not worry because God is in control and daily Iam reminded of that and sometime sad to say I still tend to forget or most of the time I want the control out of pure selfishness.